HARD CONVERSATIONS · A PLAN BEATS A SCRIPTLESS PANIC
Preparing for a hard conversation. Choose who you're talking with and what the conversation is about. You'll get a one-page plan: when and where, an opening line you can borrow word-for-word, the few things that actually need saying, what to avoid, and what to do after. Print it, fold it, put it in your pocket.
Nothing you choose here is saved or sent anywhere — the tool runs entirely on this page. If the conversation is with a child about a death or diagnosis, our telling-your-kids guides go deeper, with words for every age.
WHO ARE YOU TALKING WITH? A young child Roughly ages two to nine. Short words, real words, and room to wander back to their blocks mid-sentence. A teenager Old enough for the whole truth, and likely to take it sideways. Side-by-side works better than face-to-face. My parent or an elder An adult who raised you or came before you. Their autonomy leads, even when you are worried about them. My spouse or partner The person who shares your life. You are both inside whatever this is, which changes how you carry it. Someone with memory loss A person living with dementia or serious memory change. Feelings outlast facts; tone carries when words don't. Someone who is dying A person near the end of life. They usually know more than anyone has said out loud. Follow their lead. An estranged relative Someone you love but haven't spoken with in a long time. One conversation, not a reconciliation. The whole family Everyone at once — siblings, in-laws, the group chat. One conversation at a time, with someone steering.
WHAT IS THE CONVERSATION ABOUT? Someone has died You have to tell them. The words are hard, and the clock matters more than the perfect moment. A terminal diagnosis The doctors have said the illness can't be cured, and the people who love this person need to know. Their end-of-life wishes Asking what they'd want at the end — who's there, what matters, who speaks for them — before anyone has to guess. Recording their story Asking someone to tell their life out loud, on the record, while their voice can still tell it. Moving to hospice or care Talking about a move you wish weren't needed — and doing it with them, not to them. Planning a funeral ahead Asking what kind of goodbye they'd want, while it's still a conversation and not an emergency. Sorting belongings The house, the boxes, the things. Whether after a death or while downsizing, the stories matter more than the stuff. Memory loss and its changes Naming what's happening to their memory — early, gently, and together — so the disease doesn't set the terms alone.
Choose one from each list and your plan will appear here — timing, an opening line to borrow, what to actually say, and what to avoid.
If you are in crisis, or grief has you thinking about ending your life: call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7), or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). You matter, and this feeling is survivable. More crisis and support lines .