Questions for someone with memory loss
For families and caregivers of someone living with dementia or memory loss.
Thirty-five questions built for how long memory actually works: anchored in the eras that stay vivid, carried by the senses, and free of anything that can be gotten wrong. The old songs, the practiced hands, and the people known longest are still there — these go where they live.
Mornings are usually best, one question at a time, with no agenda. Join them in whatever era they're in — if it's 1962 in the room, 1962 is where the conversation happens. Never quiz: 'do you remember' puts someone on trial, so it doesn't appear below — 'tell me about' does the same work with the pressure removed. There are no wrong answers here, including answers that change between tellings. A hum, a gesture, or a smile is a complete answer.
Childhood senses
- Tell me about the smell of your mother's kitchen on baking day.
- Tell me about the sounds outside your window when you were small.
- Tell me about summer back then — the heat, the grass, the screen door.
- What did winter feel like in your house — the stove, the blankets, the cold floor in the morning?
- Tell me about the taste of something sweet from when you were young.
- Tell me about the good clothes — the dress or the pressed shirt kept for special days.
Songs & music
- Sing me a little of a song your mother used to sing. I'd love to hear it.
- Tell me about the dances. Who did you dance with, and what did the band play?
- Which song always got everybody singing along?
- Tell me about the songs everyone knew back then — from the radio, from church, from school.
- What did you sing or whistle when you were happy?
- I'll hum one and you tell me where it takes you.
Hands & work
- Show me how you kneaded the bread.
- Show me how you held the needle and thread — or the hammer, or the cards.
- Tell me about washing day — how did the wringing go?
- What did your hands do all day in your busiest years? Walk me through it.
- Show me how you rocked a baby to sleep.
- Tell me about planting time — how deep, how far apart, how you knew the ground was ready.
People long known
- Tell me about your mother — what she was like on a good day.
- Tell me about your brothers and sisters. Who was the troublemaker?
- Tell me about your sweetheart — what were they like when you first knew them?
- Tell me about your dearest friend in those days.
- Tell me about the neighbors — who came calling, and who you could count on.
- Tell me about your father — his laugh, his temper, his hat.
Places
- Tell me about the house you grew up in — start at the front door and walk me through it.
- Tell me about the walk to school — who walked with you, and what did you pass?
- Tell me about the store in town — what did they sell, and who ran it?
- Tell me about the place where everyone gathered — the church, the hall, the corner.
- Tell me about where you played — the fields, the street, the creek, wherever it was.
- Tell me about your spot — the chair, the porch step, the place that was yours.
Feelings first
- What always made you laugh?
- What made you feel proud?
- Tell me about a time you felt completely safe.
- What was the happiest sound in your world?
- Who made you feel loved? Tell me about them.
When the answers start coming: record the voice, not just the words — and give the stories a permanent, private home, free.