THE QUESTION BANKS · 60 QUESTIONS
Questions for a parent
For sons and daughters sitting down with a mother or father.
Sixty questions for the person who raised you — about the life they lived before you existed, the years you shared from the other side of the table, and who they are now. You know their stories; these are for the ones you don't.
USING THIS WELL
Don't try to cover all eight themes in one sitting — pick two and let the hour wander. The 'raising you' questions land best after the childhood ones have warmed things up, and 'is there something you've been meaning to tell me?' should be the last question of a good day, not the first question of any day.
Childhood
- What game did you play until it got too dark to see?
- Which room of your childhood home do you still walk through in your mind?
- What did Saturday morning look like in your house when you were small?
- What did you get in trouble for more than once?
- Who lived next door, and what did you make of them?
- What was the best present you ever received as a child — and whatever happened to it?
- Which teacher can you still hear? What did their classroom smell like?
- What did you believe as a child that turned out not to be true?
Their parents
- What did your mother's voice sound like when she called you in for dinner?
- What did your father do that you only understood once you were grown?
- How did your parents meet — and who told you the story?
- What rule of theirs did you swear you'd never keep — and did you keep it anyway?
- What made your mother laugh?
- What did your parents argue about — and what did they never once argue about?
- What did your parents want for you? Did they ever say it out loud?
- What do you wish you had asked your parents while you could?
Becoming an adult
- When did you first feel like an adult — was it a single day, or did it sneak up on you?
- Tell me about your first place of your own. What was in the refrigerator?
- Who were your friends at twenty, and where did life take them?
- What did you do with your first real stretch of freedom?
- What was hard about growing up that nobody had warned you about?
- What was everyone wearing then — and what did you actually wear?
- What did you think your life was going to look like? How close did you get?
Work
- How did you end up in the work you did — plan, accident, or something in between?
- Tell me about a boss you'd still cross the street to greet — and one you'd cross the street to avoid.
- What was the single best day you ever had at work?
- What did people misunderstand about what you did all day?
- Was there a job you turned down? What do you think would have happened?
- Who did you eat lunch with, and what did you talk about?
- What part of your work were you quietly excellent at?
Love & marriage
- What did you notice about them first — and what do you notice now?
- Tell me about the part of the wedding day that didn't go to plan.
- What did the two of you do together when there was no money for going out?
- What was a small thing they did, early on, that told you exactly who they were?
- What did you two disagree about for decades and never resolve?
- What did marriage turn out to be that nobody had told you it would be?
- Was there a moment you nearly walked away — and what kept you?
- Describe an ordinary evening from your early years together that you'd gladly live again.
Raising you
- What do you remember about the day you found out I was coming?
- What terrified you about becoming my parent?
- What was I like as a baby — the truth, not the polite version?
- What did I do as a child that you still laugh about when I'm not in the room?
- What was the hardest age to parent me — and what was going on in your own life right then?
- What did you give up for us that we never knew about?
- Was there a time you were proud of me that I never knew mattered to you?
- What do you know about me that you suspect I don't know you know?
Hard seasons
- What was the hardest year of your life — and what got you through it?
- Tell me about a time the money ran out. What did you do?
- Who showed up for you when things fell apart?
- Which loss changed you the most?
- Was there a stretch when you and I were far apart? What was that like from your side?
- What did you carry alone that you didn't have to?
- What would you say to someone standing in the middle of the season you barely survived?
Now
- What surprises you about being the age you are?
- What do you enjoy now that you never had time for before?
- What worries you these days that we could actually help with?
- What have you changed your mind about in the last ten years?
- What does a really good day look like for you now?
- What do you want more of in the years ahead — honestly?
- Is there something you've been meaning to tell me?
When the answers start coming: record the voice, not just the words — and give the stories a permanent, private home, free.